Just yesterday, I was thinking about the role of doubt in my life. Many times thoughts of uncertainty have flashed across my mind, and I have on numerous occasions wondered if my views of faith are wrong.I say this not because of strong evidence that runs contrary to faith. Indeed, I have for years thought through, taught, and written about matters that give support to faith. This has resulted in an evolution in my way of thinking about certain issues pertaining to spiritual matters and the like, but it has never led to a destruction of these. In other words, the contemplation of life, current affairs, and whatever else crosses our paths can actually cause faith to grow, to mature.
Thus, for me at least, faith has been both constant and progressive, but–and this is the point–it has been stirred by thinking through things about which I am not absolutely certain. When I was younger, I wanted to cross every “T” and dot every “I.” Now, though I still want to be thorough, I recognize that only God possess that sort of knowledge. As I have “postmodernized” my faith, my attitude has changed. And a part of this process is, shall I say, guided by questions of uncertainty, puzzlement, doubt, motivated by thoughts of “What if I am wrong?”
This led me to wonder about the role of doubt in the life of any person, but especially in the life of a believer. to that end, I think doubt can do a number of things, some harmful and others helpful. On the negative side, doubt can sometimes lead to despair. If you are of the opinion that Christianity must be neatly tied up in a clean-looking passage, if you believe that all truth claims are easy and universally undeniable, if you tend to shy away from the reality of hard questions, if you insist on repressing doubt, doubt can eventually sneak up and bite you.
The recent “Jesus tomb” claims have brought these ideas to the surface for me. If the claims of these film makers are shown to be invalid and filled with holes, that will be revealed. But even if this is the case, that is not the same as having absolute 100% confirmation that Jesus did indeed conquer the grave. It seems to me that we cannot have that kind of evidence. We have a lot of solid history, and a ton of evidence that suggests that something amazing happened during the days following Jesus’ death. The tomb was empty, cowardly individuals were transformed, and many reliable individuals claimed to have seen the risen Jesus. This is good stuff, but we do not possess a film of Jesus conquering death. There are no Polaroids of Jesus’ meeting with Thomas and the others. There is no snap shot of Jesus hovering into heaven. Indeed, even if we did have such additional pieces of evidence, even if God appeared once a year to announce that Jesus is his death-conquering Son, would we still find it within ourselves to doubt? Would we wonder, perhaps, if the evidence is tainted or incomplete or something else? I think we'd find a way to doubt. Therefore, if complete intellectual certainty is your thing, you will either separate yourself from reality and from real arguments and real challenges, or you will drive yourself crazy (thus causing other people to separate from you!).
But there is another kind of doubt, a doubt as curiosity, a doubt of wanting to know, a doubt of honesty, a–dare I say it?–a doubt of faith. As I was thinking last night, I recognized that my inability to know about Jesus’ resurrection with certainty, my lack of ability to grasp all of the facts, was forcing me to acknowledge that I needed God even to believe. Now, when I say this, please don’t think that I am condoning some mindless, forget the facts, make-believe kind of faith. Truth claims are often claims that can be tested at some level, and clearly we are to be responsible in our handling of whatever we encounter. Concerning the “Jesus tomb” this means that we must be humble and open and teachable. But, at the end of the day, we cannot of ourselves arrive at a place where we have the same knowledge as God does. We have evidence that makes the truth coherent and believable. We have enough to recognize that indeed a strong case can be made for faith in Jesus and his resurrection. But we are never in a place where we can believe–how shall I say it?–independently of the one in whom we place our faith. I don’t think God has designed us in a way that enables us to get along just fine . . . even (though we would not say it) without his help. Rather, I see a world in which we can locate truth, identify error, and show forth a truly attractive and sensible faith. But faith is never in ourselves or our arguments. Rather, it is in him.
When we allow for this sort of perspective, when we give doubt permission to surface in our lives, when we freely admit to God himself that we sometimes wonder about it all, then–I think–we are precisely where he wants us to be. Doubt, then, can be a component of and an avenue to faith. Doubt, can force us outside of our own resources and capacities. Doubt can compel us to say, “Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief.”
At some point, we must learn to look beyond (or through) an “about” God faith (what I know about the faith) to an “in” God faith (what I do with my doubts and where I go for help). We must not treat issues of faith merely as things to be settled in terms of logic, rationality, coherence, and having the best apologetic argument–essential as these can be–but as opportunities to turn to God with sincerity and frankness, discovering (by grace) what it means to trust in, look to, and cast ourselves upon him. That passage from Paul about Jesus is beginning to make sense: “He is the author and finisher of our faith.” “Increase my faith, Lord.”
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