change and the journey

Just today, I was contemplating the changes I have gone through in many areas. When I was very young, I think I was a free-spirited modern type thinker. I attempted to be logical and to come up with coherent thought. As I was converted, this carried over, especially in the early stages of my spiritual walk. I studied things like prophecy, probability, and the similarity and difference between various religious expressions. Then, when I got hooked up with a church, I learned and studied and thought through the many great doctrines of the faith and became familiar with the inner coherence of various theological systems. At the same time, I gradually moved in what might be considered a postmodern direction as I began to see that there is no end to arguments, no universally accepted apologetic, and no need to specialize in separating from everyone who is even slightly different than you. My thinking had evolved from a defense “in house,” pretty much confident and satisfied mode to a more positive, “outside the box,” real-world oriented, and often dissatisfied mode. Indeed, this dissatisfaction was (and is) something with which I grew accustomed and even comfortable. I became postmodern-like long before I had any real comprehension of what the term meant, and this influenced many things in my life, including my overall attitude and even the way I thought through issues of philosophy and theology. Though I couldn’t pinpoint this time period with precision, I suppose a lot of these changes began to take root in the early 1990's and then became more noticeable by the end of the 90's. During this phrase, I never rejected my previous learning, at least not the big stuff, but I did become far more open to change and to tweaking current beliefs. To put it in spiritual language, I truly think God was working in my life as I lived in the world and interacted with many people (some Christian, most not). This affected many things about me. At the same time, I was aware, pretty early on, that not everything that was postmodern smelled like a rose. Certain trends bothered me. For instance, some people were real quick to criticize and to define modern Christianity in narrow ways, too quickly minimizing many years of Christian reflection on various issues. Some postmoderns seemed like they were looking to criticize and for someone to blame for whatever bothered them. Of course there was (and is) a lot of blame to go around, and the modern church is guilty (in my opinion) of damaging the cause of Jesus in our society. Still, this was sometimes taken too far. Other things bothered me too (and I speak generally based on my experience), including a lack of respect for the biblical text, a tendency to minimize the past, a tendency to speak humbly and act arrogantly, and an attitude that treated postmodernism as an almost golden age (which ironically sounds like some moderns I know). Thus, while I reveled in postmodern themes and greatly appreciated the writings and attitudes of some of the better postmodern pilgrims, I was not as enamored by the postmodern thing as I had been. Indeed, I started to see a blending of many things, a combination of things past and present, along with a greater sense of wonder about what God might still do in my life. I suppose at this juncture I would be considered by some a postmodern type (which I would gladly accept), but I’m not quite what I once was, and I'm sure that some postmoderns wouldn't be satisfied with me. :-) Indeed, though I am quite conscious of my place in the flow of history, I am more prone to take what I’ve experienced and learned and to flow into a post-postmodern, post-post postmodern and beyond direction. I’m not really looking for some label, though, and I’m not trying to outrun what God is doing in my/our midst. It’s just that I feel more relaxed now about being able to embrace the truth and to follow the Spirit wherever that/he leads. What’s my point? Who knows! I’m just rambling, I suppose. :-) But I also wanted to acknowledge my awareness, at least on occasion, of the journeying aspect of my personal faith. So long as the Lord goes with me/us, any age is a time and place for growth and blessing. “Heaven and earth will pass away–as will every era–but My Word will not pass away.” “Behold,” Jesus said, “I am with you always, even to the end of the (postmodern) age.” :-)