loving by faith

Love–it’s a strange and powerful thing, and sometimes it is very difficult to do.

When we love–let’s be honest–we want that love to be reciprocated. That is, we want to receive something back for our love. When we say or do something kind, we hope that the people we are kind to will at least appreciate what we have done.

Now, there are some people who think that it is a bad thing to expect love in return, but I’m not so sure that is the case. After all, as social and emotional beings, how can we not want to receive something for our efforts, for our love?

Don’t get me wrong. Love is not acting properly if it gives in order to get. That is, it is not right to do a nice thing simply to get something out of it. Love, in other words, is not a tool of manipulation, a means by which we get what we want from others. Though we are all probably guilty of such inappropriate efforts, clearly this ought not be our primary motive. Rather, we give in order to give. We give because we actually care. We give for giving’s sake, for the sake of the recipients of our love.

At the same time, I don’t think it’s wrong to expect something in return. Not only is it a human impulse to want to receive love (and not merely give it), but there are expectations built into any relationship. For instance if you are a kind and caring individual, I naturally expect that this is the way you will normally be. We all mess up on many occasions, but it’s not abnormal or contrary to love to expect that a person of character will generally (though not perfectly!) display that character. If you are nice, and I’ve observed this niceness on numerous occasions, I simply assume that you will usually be nice. It would be wrong for me or anyone to overly judge others for mistakes, imperfections, or other foibles; we all require mercy and graciousness! But this does not mean that we are wrong for having certain expectations, expectations that result from observations and experiences with people.

Still, it can be very difficult to express love when, for whatever reason, it is not returned or even noticed. It is painful to truly care about others who simply disregard, reject, or misconstrue our efforts. When this occurs, we are normally hurt, and the hurt is understandable.

This got me to thinking about the love that Jesus displayed. He loved those who were inconsistent at best. He loved those who would betray him. He loved “his own” (according to John’s Gospel), and “his own” did not receive him. If ever there was a paradigm of love, it was Jesus. He loved perfectly, freely, compassionately, and purely, but sometimes that love was misunderstood and/or rejected. Yet, and this is key, he loved anyway!

Wow. This is the kind of love that it very, very hard to embrace. Can I love when my love is not appreciated, when it is misinterpreted, when–for reasons I cannot fathom–it is not even acknowledged? This is a tough love, a love that trusts that it's worth the effort. Love is worth the pain. Indeed, the desire to benefit the recipients of love is so genuine and Jesus-like that it is willing to love even if that love is misread and misconstrued.

To love like Jesus loved (loves) is truly a mind-boggling thing, and it is something at which I am not adept. This is hard. This is sometimes painful. This, I suppose, is loving by faith, expecting that love’s rewards will certainly come later from God but also hoping (by faith) that love will have its way in this life, in the lives of those we truly care about. “Lord, I am not good at this. Enable me to love even if that love is unrequited, trusting that you can change our hearts, believing that when we truly love, You are present.”