be yourself (everyone else is already taken)

Life is a journey, involving either an ongoing effort to be disingenuous or a perpetual desire to be what we were made to be.

While the above quote is somewhat overstated (after all, none of us has this anywhere close to perfected, and we are all too often double-minded in the actual outworking of our hearts’ desires), it captures something that is essential to our success and happiness. If we want to be useful, if we truly care about being helpful and effective in our relationships, we simply have to be ourselves.

Please, don’t misunderstand. My intent is not to encourage excessive introspection or to promote endless self-analysis. Furthermore, I certainly do not want to portray this whole “know thyself” thing as if any of us can completely understand ourselves. Even more so, I am not advocating an attitude in which we remain closed to change (far from it!), somehow using the “I’ve got to be me” mantra as an excuse for misbehavior. Put plainly, if we are doing something that is wrong, even if we think it comes “naturally,” we are still wrong and must take proper steps to alter any inappropriate tendencies.

When I mention the idea of being who we are, I’m referring to a level of comfort with ourselves and the way we were created. If God works through human personalities (and I think he does), one of the best things we can be is the personality God made us to be.

This notion of being yourself has been stated in various ways. For instance Judy Garland once remarked, “Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.” American poet E.E. Cummings added, “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” And humanist/theologian Desiderius Erasmus put it this way: “It is the chiefest point of happiness that a man is willing to be what he is.”

To be who you are is, as someone once put it, to be comfortable in your own skin, to recognize that God made you a certain way, and that way you must be. It’s never an excuse for faulty or inappropriate choices but rather is the right way to give expression to wise and appropriate ones. We follow God and seek to do his will through the vehicle of our own personalities and styles.

Still, a number of questions remain, including the following: How do we know what our true selves are? And, what will others think of us if we allow our true selves to surface? Regarding the first question, I really don’t think that we should treat this like a quest to discover a hidden truth about ourselves. Though there are probably some things within each of us to which we haven’t given enough attention, I think the real “us” is something that surfaces quite naturally when we are paying attention. What are you really like? What makes you tick? What characteristics are noticeable and obvious to those who know you well? There is no secret formula for determining these things, only a willingness to pay attention to our God-given inclinations (not our bad habits!) and simply “go with the flow.” There are some helpful schemes for determining our gifts, but the gist of this whole thing is simply to notice and become comfortable with whatever God has made us to be.

Concerning the second question–what will others think?–I don’t deny that this can be a complicated thing. For instance I don’t think we are ever permitted to run people over with our personalities, forcing them to conform to our personal agendas. That would be wrong. However, I do believe that, at the end of the day, the only thing we can authentically be is ourselves. And I also believe that being ourselves (and allowing our gifts and personalities to be the conduits through which God manifests himself) is the best way to do anything. Though it is possible that some will misunderstand, I think that those who are paying attention and who truly get to know you will eventually appreciate you for who you are. Dr. Seuss said it well: “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

There you have it, my haphazard thoughts on being yourself. I have not mapped out all of this stuff, and I certainly don’t claim to be the embodiment of these principles. I can say, however, that I am at my best (however bad that might be) when I am being me. God wants me to be holy, to be godly, to be kind, to care, to be compassionate, to love others. All of these things matter, as does the realization that it is indeed “me” that must give expression to these truths. “Lord, enable me (us) to be what you want me (us) to be.”