the pain of pastoral stereotypes

One of the things I most hate is the stereotypes associated with certain “Christian” terms. Indeed, even the name Christian has many silly and unhealthy ideas associated with it. But one idea has, for me, been perhaps the greatest nuisance, and that is the term pastor. Recently, John Smulo wrote a blog dealing with many of these same things, and so I thought I’d add my own, for my experience as a pastor has often frustrated me to the extreme.

Just to fill you in, right now, we are meeting in my home in a very casual manner, and I probably wouldn’t refer to myself as a pastor. Sometimes, others do, and that’s okay, I guess. But after having experienced some 13 plus years in this role, I have to say that the negatives probably outweigh the positives.

When you are a “pastor” people have all kinds of crazy ideas about you. For example: You are somehow gifted at prayer, a specialist at hospital visitation, a pro at being “holy” and “spiritual” and “religious” and a whole host of other things. Some refer to you as “reverend,” and many are leery of letting their hair down when in your presence. Some don’t want to offend you, thinking that your only life experience is in doing weddings and funerals and appearing appropriately somber when the occasion calls for it. Others think you have some sort of backstage pass that affords you access to things that most people aren’t privileged to see. Still others treat you like a good luck charm, a good guy to have around and have on your side. Generally, you are thought to lack the real-world expertise and to have ears easily offended by four-letter words, the sight of alcohol, and the mere mention of sex.

First of all, let me say that many of the stereotypes mentioned here are true, having been earned by countless individuals who truly measure spirituality by such things and who really do look like many assume they would–rigid, corny, out-of-touch, etc.. Second, let me also add that I am nothing like the stereotypes, at least not when it comes to the supposed magic that flows from the title and position. While I have lead churches in the past and still play a role in some of these matters today, I really struggle with the assumptions that people make when they hear you are a “pastor.”

Though I am not ready to abandon the notion of pastor as taught in the New Testament, and while I certainly desire to fulfill some of the characteristics associated with this usage, I have no desire to be treated as a “pastor” in common, stereotypical fashion. Whether right or wrong, I have to admit that I am sickened by the whole feel of this stereotype.

No, I don’t think I am better than anyone out there, pastor or not, and I don’t intend to demean anyone who is sincerely doing the best he or she can to lead God’s people. God bless them. At the same time, I also can’t pretend that I am anything less than turned off by the traditional pastoral stuff.
Indeed, it saddens me that my perceived role as a pastor has sometimes made me wonder about my own sincerity. When you visit enough hospitals and do enough funerals, you begin to wonder if you’re doing these things because they are right or simply because you are supposed to do them. While duty sometimes demands that we do what’s proper no matter what, it is numbing when the perceptions and expectations of people actually hinder your own spirituality. What I’m saying is that I want to visit hospitals and pray and a whole lot of other things not because someone expects me to do these things but because I feel called and compelled to do so.

In other words I want to be spiritual in the best sense of that term. I want to follow Jesus, whatever that means, to the best of my ability. I want to live the right way, to care, to be kind, to be bold, to be wise, and to exude love. But I want to do these and similar things as a person who lives with others in the real world, and I don’t want some ridiculous stereotype to stand in the way of my (hopefully) honest efforts to be authentic, to be me.

God knows that I get in the way of the truth enough as it is; I don’t need the extra baggage that comes from those determined to make me wear the garb of out-of-touch, meaningless religiosity. Lord, save me (us) from the crazy ideas, the assumptions, the predictable expectations, the enslaving influence of pastoral/Christian/whatever stereotypes. Let me be me . . . for you and for others.