the quest (uncertainty, danger, excitement, and something/Someone more)

Quest–many things in life and theology are a quest, a journey, an on-going effort to better understand, formulate, and most importantly live out the truth that is found in Jesus.

Along the way, however, this quest is necessarily accompanied by uncertainty, danger, and excitement. The uncertainty is a by-the-nature-of-the-case recognition that all of these endeavors are my endeavors. As such they are human, imperfect, and subject to error and miscalculation. The danger comes in recognizing that at least some of these issues are extremely important. They are more than black ink on a white page, for they relate to ultimate matters like God and our relationship to him. The excitement is a by-product of such large thoughts and reflective of the One whom we seek to comprehend, engage, and in some sense know.

All of these things–the uncertainty, the danger, and the excitement–are a regular reality for me, and I fluctuate between them, experiencing the joy and disappointment, the satisfaction and the frustration, that accompanies the effort to make sense of life from a Christian view. Sometimes, frankly, I wonder about it all, and sometimes the uncertainty of it all can result in skepticism, cynicism, and doubt. Other times, I wonder about the dangers that are a part of this effort, fearing that my desire to be thorough will degenerate into the “double-minded man” status that James warns us about; it seems we must constantly resist the temptation to allow the desire to “gain the whole world” theologically/philosophically to lead us to the forfeiture of our soul. Still other times, the excitement of it all breaks in and makes this whole endeavor meaningful and electric.

My hope, I suppose, is that along with the uncertainty, danger, and excitement, there is something more to consider, or rather Someone. My hope is that a “Wind” accompanies me, a Spirit of truth and love walks with me, a merciful Person rubs shoulders with me. Mercy, grace, the constant need for forgiveness and guidance, wisdom, and so many other things are gifts from a higher place, from a higher being, from a Savior who lives among us still. Though my faith can sometimes waver, and while I freely admit my own imperfections and faulty ways, he–at the end of the day, at the end of all days–is my hope. “Lord, increase my faith.”